Heavens-to-Betsy, people, we are speaking of the cornball script called, Forrest Gump, which hit the screens 22 years ago. Seems like yesterday, right? Whatever do you call the birthday/anniversary of a film?
Who knows, but this film should be measured in dog-years, because while viewing this in the theater back in 1994, every moment felt like an hour. So, let's go with that, and say this flick is 154 years old.
Sorry (not really, because I stick to my convictions, even when quite unpopular), but this cringe-worthy movie made me cringe with impatience.
By the end, my brain was so saturated with Tom Hanks fake-drawling, non-sensical quotes, my ears were ready for enormous cotton balls, and padded ear-muffs.
Don't even get me started on how this compilation of soap-opera-ish scenes absolutely ripped the Oscar from the clutches of the rightful winner that year, Shawshank Redemption.
My Mama always told me to silence myself if I could not say something nice (I am paraphrasing her exact words)...she tried her best to get that across to me. She kind of failed, but if she had been here to watch this movie, I believe she would have had plenty to say about him quoting his Mama.
So, here's me being nice:
Happy 22 years of Forrest Gump dumbness. Tom, and Sally and Robin...you deserved better.
See? I never QUITE get there, do I?