In Praise of the Elbow

Today I would like to honor an often over-looked and under-appreciated body part – the elbow.

Let’s face it.  (That’s part of the problem.  We can’t.  Unless we happen to be near one of those large rear-view mirrors.)  Elbows aren’t sexy.  Therefore, we don’t tend to draw attention to them.   Unlike other body parts, we don’t adorn them.

Think about it.  We apply cosmetics to enhance our eyes, cheeks, and lips.

We wear bracelets on our wrists, necklaces around our necks, earrings on our lobes, even nose rings through our nostrils although that aesthetic is somewhat questionable.

I could go on.  And I will.  Rings on our fingers, ankle bracelets on our ankles, jewels in our belly buttons, and even piercings in our lower regions, though I personally place that in the same category as the nostril. 

And don’t forget tattoos.  Ever hear of anyone inking their elbow?

Of course there is the elbow patch.  But a piece of cloth sewn on a tweedy jacket hardly counts as exalting the flesh.

Did I say elbows aren’t sexy? Let me amend that.  This was not always the case.  In the 18th century, women’s elbows, like ankles, were sexualized body parts and in proper circles needed to be covered.  Hence the birth of the 3\4 sleeve. (Bet you never considered elbows as giving rise to a fashion trend!)  I don’t know for sure, but I’m fairly certain there was an age limit regarding the erotic elbow.  Unfortunately, an “older” elbow begins to look like a used pair of corduroy trousers and demands to be fully covered.

While fashion has largely ignored the elbow, language has paid it some tribute.  Metaphors such as “elbow grease,” “elbowing your way through a crowd,” “bending an elbow” (taking a drink) and “elbow room” have paid homage to this mostly neglected body part.  And let’s not forget the “funny bone” which, when banged, is anything but.

In terms of function, where would we be without the elbow?   It is critical to everything we take for granted.  Personal care, eating, sports, lifting objects, almost every activity of daily living.  And so versatile.  What other body part can so easily maintain a 90-degree angle?

Anatomically, the elbow is a three-boned complex hinge joint that connects the upper arm to the forearm, a testament to its usefulness.

So, why am I suddenly so preoccupied with elbows? Because mine haven’t been working very well.  Particularly the left one.  Which is majorly inconvenient since I am a southpaw.  It seems that the cartilage, which allows the bones to smoothly articulate, has worn away, a condition commonly known as osteoarthritis.

Whether it’s a genetic flaw or the result of playing ultimate frisbee for a dozen years with a very athletic Labrador retriever named Bette (as in Davis), or some combination of the above hardly matters.  What matters is that, among other things, I can no longer open my car door from the inside without wincing.

Some other things I can no longer do as a lefty that used to be pain-free (in no special order):

• Apply eye makeup
• Rip out the doughy part of a sliced bagel
• Properly soap my right axilla (otherwise known as an armpit)
• Wash my hair with two hands
• Scrub a pan
• Hold a mug of coffee
• Fasten my seat belt
• Use a soap pump
• Open a pop-top can
• Swing a golf club

(although considering the level of my playing, this may not be a bad thing)

While my right arm has picked up some of the slack, it’s hard to teach an old appendage new tricks.
I believe my left elbow has celebrated more birthdays than the rest of me.  Therefore, I’m considering a trade-in.  Following the successes with knees, hips, and shoulders, the medical profession has now developed replacements for the articulatio cubiti, otherwise known as the elbow.  I’m thinking this might be a good way to spend my summer vacation.

So, if you happen to see me on the golf course this fall, don’t be surprised.  But there is a caveat.  Although the surgery might result in restoring pain-free mascara application, it does not come with a guarantee of a better game.
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