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By Palika Trudeau, M.A. in Psychology Question: I have noticed that my partner is generally more kind and helpful to other people then to me. In fact, he goes out of his way to be helpful to others. Why can’t he just treat me with the same kindness that he shows everyone else? I don’t want to feel so unimportant all the time. What should I do? Answer: Naturally it is very frustrating to watch your partner showering kindness on others while you feel ignored. But chances are high that your partner also feels unappreciated in your relationship, as evidenced by the fact he primarily does things for other people –who he trusts will reflect back his importance. In relationships you’re a team and you both need to feel important and valued to stay inspired in that union. Yet somewhere along the line things fell out of balance. There are lots of possible reasons this deterioration occurred. But lets focus on one possibility that gives you an opportunity to improve your internal state of being. Relationships tend to be very cleansing by bringing up all the junk inside your trunk. More often then not, that junk is negative belief systems you have about yourselves. Of course, He has his rubbish and you have yours. But if you take 100% responsibility for your stuff, it facilitates your personal evolution and improves the quality of your relationships in general. For example, if you feel deep inside that you are not important, eventually the relationship magnifies that feeling and reflects it back to you. It is impossible to feel valuable or important in a relationship if you don’t feel solid value with in your own self. Negative belief systems sustain their vitality by finding evidence in your partner to validate and support its disempowering “Truth.” With out this tangible evidence, the negative belief simply could not turn into a thriving ingrained thought pattern. Rather it would become just another fleeting thought. (It’s basically survival of the thought parasite.) If you want to try turning this dynamic around, I suggest, a little low risk experiment. -First, come to terms with your own value by recognizing your qualities. -Second, despite all the evidence filed away that you are not valued by him, explore the possibility in your mind that in fact he DOES value you. -Third, look for the evidence to support this better feeling belief. Write it all down so it is crystal clear. -Fourth, think about this new story everyday and in the morning and evening say, “I am valuable, I value my partner and I love that my partner values me.” If you do this mental exercise for at least a week consistently, both you and your mate will start to feel a new “trust” that he is a caring, considerate life partner. And as a result he may naturally focus more of this caring attention towards you. In relationship, we all want to be numero uno to our partner. But you have to allow this experience to occur with your mindset. Invite value, by seeing your own value, maintaining a vision of your partner’s value, as well as their feelings of cherishing you-day after day. |
About Palika
Palika Trudeau, M.A. in Psychology, is a relationship specialist. She is both an educator and in private practice. In her work with corporations, individuals, and private couples retreats, her extensive training and background in Eastern philosophy, paired with her education in modern psychology, gives her a unique perspective and approach to human development and life transformation. Trudeau works with an international, elite clientele, and specializes in creating sustainable, high quality relationships, helping clients quickly solve core problems and consciously create the life they want.
Website: palikatrudeau.com When people have levels of disconnection, it affects their well-being, energy levels and focus" |