No, I did not invent that word in the title.  It’s real.  But I’ll get to that in a moment.  First, I have to own up to the fact that the subject of today’s essay is definitely a reflection of having entirely too much time on my hands.

Like everyone else, I don’t get around much anymore.  (Hey, great song title!) I’m at home most of the time, unpacking my Amazon boxes and grocery delivery orders.  Or living my so-called  life on-line.

I fill my time with Zoom happy hours and clink my wine glass against the computer screen.  I do virtual lectures, Ted Talks, museum tours around the world, including Margaret Mead’s habitat on Samoa.  This last tour did not use up many idle minutes as she occupied a single room.  But it was interesting, none the less.

I read, I stream, and  watch entirely too much TV news, which lately has been focusing on the states with the most coronavirus cases.  I wondered how the average Texan, Californian, or Floridian was coping, and were they living the same as I, in a primarily virtual world?

As I pondered about Texans and Californians, I had the eye-opening revelation that people from various states were able to be described by where they came from.

I used to live in New York.  I was a New Yorker.  I worked in New Jersey with mostly New Jerseyites.  I’m currently a resident of Florida, so I’m a Floridian.

But I also once lived in Connecticut.  So what was I then?

Texans come from Texas.  Idahoans come from Idaho.  Mainers came from Maine.  But what do you call people who come from Connecticut?

Having no satisfactory answer to this burning question of regional identity, I decided it was worth at least an hour of my spare time to figure this out.

And that was when I discovered the “demonym.”  A demonym is a word that describes where people come from.  It’s such a rare word that the spell check in my word processing program keeps underlining it in red. 
Nevertheless, Microsoft, it is a real word!

The word “Connecticut” is in itself difficult to pronounce.  We tend to glide right over the middle “c” as if it was a tonsil, or some other dispensable body part.  So imagine trying to figure out a suitable suffix for the purpose of identifying people of the Nutmeg State.

Over time, several demonyms (there goes that red line again!) have been proposed for residents of Connecticut.  “Connecticotian?”  Seriously?

Then there was the even more preposterous “Connecticutensian.”  I dare you to say that three times quickly.  Or even one time slowly, for that matter.

And the latest, take it or leave it, is “Connecticuter.”  This label actually appears on the U.S. Government Publishing Office Style Manual.

Bet you didn’t know that the U.S. Government published a style manual.  Well, it does, and it lists the appropriate demonyms for all 50 states.  Excellent use of our tax payer dollars.

Why do I even care about how to refer to people from Connecticut? I do still spend some time there, when being a Floridian becomes a very steamy experience.

Connecticut is not the only state with an awkward assembly of consonants and vowels.  Massachusetts is in a similar predicament.   On the official list of demonyms incluced in the style manual, a resident of Massachusetts is called a “Massachusettsan.”  Which does not roll trippingly off the tongue.  So you might want to think twice before you decide to move there.  Or to Utah, for that matter.  Unless you don’t mind being referred to as a “Utahn.”  How does one even say that?

But don’t despair.   If you care about your demonym, you still have 47 states from which to choose.

I will end now because it’s almost time to get ready for another Zoom Happy Hour.  And this evening I shall try harder to not splash wine on my computer.
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Dear Readers:
 Earlier this month I was interviewed for the Second Act Stories podcast. The result is “Humor Me: A Speech Pathologist Finds A New Voice.” I hope you’ll give it a listen.

 If you are an experienced podcast listener, you can connect to the Second Act Stories podcast on Apple Podcasts (for iPhones), Stitcher (for Androids), Spotify, GooglePlay, iHeartRadio and others. And if you are new to podcasts, I might suggest streaming it from the Second Act Stories website. Once you’ve clicked on the link below, just scroll down and hit blue triangle “play” button under my photo. It’s about 21 minutes long and at the end includes a reading of one of my blog posts titled “High Maintenance."  See the link below:
​
 Stream from Second Act Stories website

Hope you enjoy and feel free to share with others who might be considering a career or life change. 

Best,
Susan  

Thank you, HBO for the resurrection of Perry Mason.  Although  my taste for police procedurals and courtroom drama has more recently been satisfied by  every Law and Order series, including rerun binge-athons, the intrepid criminal defense lawyer as portrayed by Raymond Burr, could never quite be replaced.  So when the trailers for HBO’s new version appeared on my TV screen, I must confess my heart skipped a beat.

For 40 years, beginning in 1933, the character created by Erle Stanley Gardner, appeared in more than 80 novels and short stories.  Like my favorite police procedurals, the stories all followed a formula.  A client was accused of murder, but during the trial Mason, aided by sidekicks Della Street and Paul Drake, would uncover and implicate the true guilty party, who would then confess.

Beside the novels, there was film Perry Mason, radio Perry Mason, TV Perry Mason, all recognizable and consistently dependable.  Until now.

HBO Perry Mason is not the Perry Mason of The Case of the Velvet Claws and rest of the “Case of the’s.”  This Perry Mason is not a lawyer, but a melancholy, shell-shocked WW I veteran who is a gum shoe, a flat foot, a tail.  In other words, a private detective in noir-ish 1930s Los Angeles.  That’s not right!

But wait, I get it.  Matthew Rhys is prequel Perry Mason, the character before he became a lawyer.     We’re only up to Episode 2, but should I surmise that by the end of the series, we’ll witness Perry taking the California bar exam?

On reflection, I find the reinvention of the character inspirational.  Which leads me to my current project.  What if we took other iconic TV characters from the late 50s-early 60s and transplanted them to the present?  Below are some thoughts about how this might play out.

I LOVE LUCY.  Here we find modern-day Lucy Ricardo as a young widow.  Ricky has died of the Cuban flu, leaving her alone to care for their child, Little Ricky.  To make matters worse, she has lost her job as the Vitameatavegamin Girl, leaving her financially destitute.  Landlord Fred Mertz, who has had his eyes on Lucy for years, tiring of dowdy Ethel, tells Lucy he will not evict her if she will grant him sexual favors.  Seeing little choice, she agrees, until one day she has had quite enough of lecherous Mr. Mertz.  Lucy rebels, and along with Alice Kramden, who has grown sick and tired of threats to her kisser and trips to the moon, joins the #METOO movement, and becomes its vice-president.

MARCUS WELBY, MD.  On Father’s Day, this kindly California general practitioner receives an unusual gift from one of his adult children.  It is a membership in Ancestry.com.  Marcus is thrilled, having always wanted to search the roots of his family tree, and perhaps discover if,  with a name like Welby, he was destined to become a doctor.   Eager to go forward with his search, he cancels all of his appointments for the following Monday, telling each of his patients  to take two oxycodones and call him in the morning, and logs on to begin his adventure.  He is initially disappointed to learn that none of his ancestors date back to the Mayflower.  However, he is later elated to discover that he is a third cousin twice-removed of Dr. Anthony Fauci.  He is so excited by this information, that he gives up his practice, moves to Washington, D.C. and joins the COVID-19 task force.  Henceforce, he can be seen at the podium during the briefings.  He’s the one wearing the colorful tie carefully chosen to compliment Dr. Deborah Birx’s scarf of the day.

GILLIGAN’S ISLAND.  Years have passed since the S.S. Minnow, on a three-hour tour from Honolulu, ran into a typhoon, leaving its passengers shipwrecked on an unchartered island somewhere in the Pacific.  The show opens with the final survivor, Gilligan, whose first name we may never know.  The Skipper, the millionaire and his wife, Ginger, Mary Ann and the professor have all died.  Gilligan is now alone.  The only companionship he has is a basketball that has washed ashore, which he has named “Wilson.”  I can definitely see Tom Hanks in the lead role.

BATMAN AND ROBIN.  In this updated version, millionaire Bruce Wayne/Batman and Dick Grayson/Robin remain as crime fighters, saving Gotham from super-villains that the police are unable to catch.  Bruce and Dick have been living together for many years, Wayne having been named as Grayson’s legal guardian when Grayson was an orphaned high school student.   Spending many hours alone together in the Bat Cave, over time the relationship shifts and the two acknowledge that they have developed feelings for each other that far transcended the father-son relationship.  Who can blame them, strutting around in those tights!  Batman and Robin remain in the closet, or in this case, the Bat Cave, for many years.  Only Alfred knows the true nature of their relationship, as well as their secret identities, a heavy burden for an old butler.  By the third episode of this new series,  Bruce and Dick decide it’s time to reveal to the world that they are, in fact, a couple, but no less effective as crime fighters.  Bruce donates a large portion of his wealth to the Gay Pride movement, and the two become staunch defenders of the LGBTQIA community, fighting for their right to continue adding letters to the abbreviation.

I’ll end now because all this creativity has left me positively exhausted.  But if anyone out there is interested in backing any of these concepts, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Until then, I can be found, every Sunday evening at 9:00 PM eastern time, sitting in front of the TV, eagerly awaiting the next episode of the new Perry Mason, and wondering when he will actually apply to law school.